How did I get here?
By BD
Part1
“When the spirit of truth comes,
he will guide you into all truth for he will not speak on his own authority,
but whatever he hears he will speak and he will declare to you the things that
are to come.” -John 16:13
All of
us have asked ourselves the question, how
did I get here at least once in our lives. Most of the time it’s during
times of trial. For me personally, I
have asked this question multiple times in the last few months. The first time
was when I was locked in a bathroom doing drugs begging God to kill me so I
wouldn’t have to kill myself. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the
pale, skeleton thin, sickly girl staring back at me. How did I get here? How did I come to be an
addict living in a broken down house begging to die? I knew something needed to
change, and then a familiar voice popped into my head, “You have to leave, you have to ask for help!” I knew it was true-- my stare bounced between
the mirror which held my unrecognizable reflection and my phone. Who was I going to call? What was I going to say? “Just tell the truth”. There
was that voice again. Man, I must be going crazy, I thought to myself. I sat
down on a bench in the bathroom. I knew
I was sick, but was I crazy too! I decided to talk to the voice in my head
knowing that if anyone saw me they would surely spread that I had lost it. I buried my face into my hands and cried. Then
the voice said again, “Tell the truth;
bring all that you have been hiding into the light. Everything will work out. There is a plan and destination for you.
Today is the last day you will live among death; take the step and tell the
truth and no harm will happen to you. Just
tell the truth!” I stood up and looked in the mirror again and said towards
my reflection, but really to the voice I was hearing talk to me, “Just tell the truth. “ Is it really that easy? Okay,
then I’m addict and I know I need help; there I told the truth, now what? Still staring at my reflection waiting for a
response, I noticed the dark circles under my eyes, obviously from lack of
sleep. Then it happened, the voice said something with such a soft and sweet
tone that it made my eyes tear up. “Now
do something; tell someone else what you just told me!” I rolled my eyes at
the thought that I was actually having this conversation with a voice in my
head, yet I was hearing it so clearly that it was like there was another person
sitting in the bathroom with me. And
then I asked with almost a hint of sarcasm, “And who exactly should I tell
smart one? The people that know don’t
care and the ones who don’t know care too much.” I
continued to stare in the mirror waiting for a response, growing angrier by the
moment………..
TO BE CONTINUED
No comments:
Post a Comment